No Matter What! (A Repost Because It's Just That Good!)
As a child and teenager, I struggled to believe it was possible to have a Heavenly Father that loved me....no matter what! For me, I believed that being worthy of love was very much based on one's performance. I didn't understand that while certain blessings and opportunities ARE based on adherence to true principle, that God's love for us is unconditional. It has taken my becoming a parent myself to truly begin to understand this.
I have been AMAZED at how this difference in perspective has changed my life for the better. And, knowing this, has given me more permission than EVER before to be myself.
I came across the following article about many years ago. It has been POWERFUL for me. I hope it means something to you.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN THOUGHT PROCESS OF BELIEVING GOD LOVES ME “CONDITIONALLY”
(And why this way of thinking is detrimental in our lives.)
God loves me, but…He loves me conditionally.
THEREFORE: His love is based on my performance.
THEREFORE: I have to earn His love by pleasing Him.
THEREFORE: when I please Him, I feel loved. And, when I do not please Him, I feel rejected.
THEREFORE: If God, Who is “all-loving,” does not always love, accept, and value me, how can I be expected to believe that I am valuable and lovable?
THEREFORE: I do not believe that I am basically a lovable, valuable person.
THEREFORE: I am not able to trust other people who say they love me. I suspect their motives or figure that they just do not know the “real” me yet.
THEREFORE: I cannot accept love from other people. I deflect it. I try to prove that I am right—that I am NOT lovable, and that they will eventually reject me.
THEREFORE: they usually do.
THEREFORE: I use the world’s standards (money, status, clothes, etc.) to prove to others and myself that I am VALUABLE. I need strokes and feedback from other people to prove to myself and to others that I am LOVABLE.
THEREFORE: I need a “fresh fix” of strokes every day just to get through the day feeling good about myself.
THEREFORE: I look to others to give me something that only God can give me—a sense of my own SELF-WORTH.
THEREFORE: I place impossible demands on people who love me. I frustrate them. I am never satisfied with what they are giving me. I do not allow them to be honest with me or confront me. I am focused on me, and I expect them to be focused on me too.
THEREFORE: since I do not love who I AM, I do not expect that others will love me either. Why would anyone want something that has no real value?
THEREFORE: I try to earn their love by what I DO. I do not give out of a desire to love, but out of the desire to BE LOVED. Most of what I do is tied up in “self,” so the people I profess to love do not really feel loved. They feel manipulated. I am trying to avoid rejection rather than trying to build a loving relationship.
THEREFORE: I am not able to sustain a healthy, loving, lasting relationship.
VS.
THE TRICKLE-DOWN THOUGHT PROCESS OF BELIEVING THAT GOD LOVES ME “UNCONDITIONALLY”
(And why this way of thinking blesses our lives.)
God loves me, this I know. He loves me unconditionally.
THEREFORE: His love for me is based on who HE is.
THEREFORE: I have not earned His love, nor can I earn His love.
THEREFORE: I cannot be separated from His love. When I obey Him, He will bless me. When I disobey Him, there will be consequences for my behavior. He may not like my behavior, but He always loves me.
THEREFORE: Since I have experienced God’s love, I know I am lovable.
THEREFORE: Since I know that God loves me, I am able to believe that there are people who could love me too.
THEREFORE: I am able to trust people who genuinely love me.
THEREFORE: I am able to accept the love that those people give to me.
THEREFORE: since my most basic need for love and a sense of self-worth has been met by God, I don’t need to be “fixed” by other people.
THEREFORE: although I have needs that I look to other people to meet (e.g., companionship, affection, fun), I believe those needs are balanced and God-given. I try to be honest in assessing those needs and in asking for what I need.
THEREFORE: I expect other people to be honest with me. I can handle criticism or confrontation, if it is done with love.
THEREFORE: since I know that I am God’s special and unique creation, I know that the love I have to give is valuable.
THEREFORE: I do not feel that I have to “perform” for other people. Either they will love me for who I am, or they won’t. It is important for me to be loved for who I really am.
THEREFORE: I am able to get my mind off of what others are thinking ABOUT ME and focus on other people and THEIR NEEDS.
THEREFORE: I am able to sustain a healthy, loving, lasting relationship.
I may still be a work in progress...but I'm on a journey and I'm pretty sure this provides a great road map!
Love,
Shannon
