No Matter What!

As a child and teenager, I struggled to believe it was possible to have a Heavenly Father that loved me....no matter what! For me, I believed that being worthy of love was very much based on one's performance. I didn't understand that while certain blessings and opportunities ARE based on adherence to true principle, that God's love for us is unconditional. It has taken my becoming a parent myself to truly begin to understand this.

I have been AMAZED at how this difference in perspective has changed my life for the better. My ability to love my children...no matter what... has become possible from this understanding. And, knowing this, has given me more permission than EVER before to be myself.

I came across the following article about 15 years ago. It has been POWERFUL for me. I hope it means something to you.

THE TRICKLE-DOWN THOUGHT PROCESS OF BELIEVING GOD LOVES ME “CONDITIONALLY”
(And why this way of thinking is detrimental in our lives.)

God loves me, but…He loves me conditionally.

THEREFORE: His love is based on my performance.

THEREFORE: I have to earn His love by pleasing Him.

THEREFORE: when I please Him, I feel loved. And, when I do not please Him, I feel rejected.

THEREFORE: If God, Who is “all-loving,” does not always love, accept, and value me, how can I be expected to believe that I am valuable and lovable?

THEREFORE: I do not believe that I am basically a lovable, valuable person.

THEREFORE: I am not able to trust other people who say they love me. I suspect their motives or figure that they just do not know the “real” me yet.

THEREFORE: I cannot accept love from other people. I deflect it. I try to prove that I am right—that I am NOT lovable, and that they will eventually reject me.

THEREFORE: they usually do.

THEREFORE: I use the world’s standards (money, status, clothes, etc.) to prove to others and myself that I am VALUABLE. I need strokes and feedback from other people to prove to myself and to others that I am LOVABLE.

THEREFORE: I need a “fresh fix” of strokes every day just to get through the day feeling good about myself.

THEREFORE: I look to others to give me something that only God can give me—a sense of my own SELF-WORTH.

THEREFORE: I place impossible demands on people who love me. I frustrate them. I am never satisfied with what they are giving me. I do not allow them to be honest with me or confront me. I am focused on me, and I expect them to be focused on me too.

THEREFORE: since I do not love who I AM, I do not expect that others will love me either. Why would anyone want something that has no real value?

THEREFORE: I try to earn their love by what I DO. I do not give out of a desire to love, but out of the desire to BE LOVED. Most of what I do is tied up in “self,” so the people I profess to love do not really feel loved. They feel manipulated. I am trying to avoid rejection rather than trying to build a loving relationship.

THEREFORE: I am not able to sustain a healthy, loving, lasting relationship.


VS.


THE TRICKLE-DOWN THOUGHT PROCESS OF BELIEVING THAT GOD LOVES ME “UNCONDITIONALLY”
(And why this way of thinking blesses our lives.)

God loves me, this I know. He loves me unconditionally.

THEREFORE: His love for me is based on who HE is.

THEREFORE: I have not earned His love, nor can I earn His love.

THEREFORE: I cannot be separated from His love. When I obey Him, He will bless me. When I disobey Him, there will be consequences for my behavior. He may not like my behavior, but He always loves me.

THEREFORE: Since I have experienced God’s love, I know I am lovable.

THEREFORE: Since I know that God loves me, I am able to believe that there are people who could love me too.

THEREFORE: I am able to trust people who genuinely love me.

THEREFORE: I am able to accept the love that those people give to me.

THEREFORE: since my most basic need for love and a sense of self-worth has been met by God, I don’t need to be “fixed” by other people.

THEREFORE: although I have needs that I look to other people to meet (e.g., companionship, affection, fun), I believe those needs are balanced and God-given. I try to be honest in assessing those needs and in asking for what I need.

THEREFORE: I expect other people to be honest with me. I can handle criticism or confrontation, if it is done with love.

THEREFORE: since I know that I am God’s special and unique creation, I know that the love I have to give is valuable.

THEREFORE: I do not feel that I have to “perform” for other people. Either they will love me for who I am, or they won’t. It is important for me to be loved for who I really am.

THEREFORE: I am able to get my mind off of what others are thinking ABOUT ME and focus on other people and THEIR NEEDS.

THEREFORE: I am able to sustain a healthy, loving, lasting relationship.

Love,

Shannon